Forever Ago
by lazywriter123
Summary: Spencer has a family now and is living in the midwest as a teacher at a university. But there is still a void in his heart for his dead wife and his friends. But that life was forever ago
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Criminal Minds

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Spencer sits on a bench on the porch of his house. The morning sun is slowly rising out of the purple and dark green hills. So peaceful and quiet…yet so cold. Spencer sighed and got up to get ready for work. The university he worked at was not very big but it paid well. He was a professor there and loved every minute of being a teacher. Yet he had another obligation… that was to his children, Lulu, Chris, and Becky. Lulu was eighteen while her brother was still sixteen. Becky was only six. He loved them dearly and did everything he could for them, but there was still a hole in his heart…well actually two.

The first was for his dear deceased wife, Nicole. The second was for his team…his friends. But that was a life time ago and those memories still lived within him, it was still a burning flame in his heart that refused to disappear. It used to make him cry at night but now they make him crave cigarettes. They helped to numb him but it was short lived of course.

He walked into the two story house in the middle of nowhere; Lulu was making pancakes and eggs for everyone. She was currently going to the same school that Spencer teaches at and see also had a part time job during the summer to help pay for the bills and other things. Chris was sitting at the table drinking some orange juice, while Becky was smiling and waiting patiently for her breakfast. "Why are you guys up so early" he asked. "Cause we want to say good-bye before you go to work" said Becky with a big smile. "Hey dad, you better get going…I'll see you in a few hours" said Lulu. Spencer sighed; Lulu has been a little upset lately. But he really couldn't blame her.

"_Dad, I'm not a child anymore, I want to go to Riverhead University that's final. I'm not going to stay here forever" shouted Lulu._

"_Honey…we can't afford it…at least here you can have an education."_

"_No dad, I can get a job and get scholarships, you know I'm one of the smartest in the class. You just don't want me to go because that would mean I would have to leave you."_

_Spencer was silent, "Dad, we can't stay young forever…and we can't fill the void that mom left when she died. But I'm grown up dad…I have to leave sooner or later." _

_Spencer didn't say a word and left the room. Lulu had had tears in her eyes._

Spencer really wanted to let his children grow up…but it was so hard to do so. His fears and worries overpowered his common sense. As he drove to the campus his thoughts went to his team…he truly missed them but his life was here now…with his children and teaching career.

**FLASHBACK**

At the office, the team just got back from a brutal case in Washington. Overall six people were now dead and the unsub is in custody. Spencer sighed as he just hated this job now. The stress and the anxiety overwhelmed him now. But when he sat at his desk a vision walked into the office. A blonde woman with a smile that could light up a room came in. His heart fluttered and he couldn't stop looking at her. He sighed and wondered if he should talk to her or just go back to work. He choice the first option.

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	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Criminal Minds

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The drive was quiet with the exception of the rumble of the engine. The sun was still rising and the campus was not far. He could already see the large library that towered over the campus. He could already here the sound of the bells that hung in the tower in the center of the building. The sounds brought back so many memories

**Flashback**

"Spencer I can hear the church bells from here" said Nicole with a smile on her face. She cuddled closer to him and he held her in his arms. Under a large oak tree in the park, they had lunch and talked for hours. It was a perfect day and they loved every minute of it.

However the next day, which was when they were supposed to go to the museum, a case came up. On the jet Spencer kept thinking about how upset he was that he had another damn case to go on and frankly what was the point? Catch one guy but still there are hundreds out there that still get away.

As JJ briefed them about the case, Spencer was hardly paying attention. All he could think about was Nicole and her smiling face. "Reid what do you think" asked Hotch. That was when he noticed that he wasn't paying attention at all. "REID!" Spencer snapped out of his thoughts and saw the team staring at him, Hotch was livid. "Reid we have a case to solve, pay attention." Spencer sighed, "Fine."

During the case Hotch confronted him about his lack of attention to the case.

"Reid, lately you have been extremely inattentive to the case and work in general. I want an explanation."

Spencer looked at him and sighed, "Look I'm just…I don't know Hotch." Hotch looked at him for a moment and finally said, "Reid I think it's time you used some of that vacation time you racked up. I think you need time to not think, ok?"

Spencer nodded, "Thank you, I think that will help." He's vacation started after the case was over.

**End Flashback**

Spencer parked his car in the teacher's parking lot and walked to prepare for his first class. His first class was in the large lecture hall not far from the library. Inside, many of the students were finding their seats and getting out there books. Spencer got up to the podium and got his papers ready.

"Good Morning class, today we are now going to look at the psychology of crime. Open your books to chapter 10 and be prepared to take notes."

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	3. Chapter 3

I don't own Criminal Minds

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The class ended and the students filed out, except for one. Terry Fuller wanted to be a criminologist but he was having trouble with some of the material, so Spencer gave him tutoring lessons every Tuesday. Terry walked up to him to go to the library together. They walked in silence while Terry looked over some notes in his notebook. "Dr. Reid, were you every in law enforcement?"

Spencer never discussed anything about his past to anyone at the school. He sighed, "Yes, buts that's in the past now." Terry decided it was best not to discuss the matter any longer and they both walked to the library in silence.

**Flashback**

Spencer and Nicole have been together for a few years, it wasn't long until Spencer finally proposed to her and they got married. The team was especially happy for him. Even thought Spencer now had a wife and had to focus on starting a family, he managed to work hard at his job. It was after the time off that Hotch gave him a while back that helped him regain confidence and Nicole's total support in his demanding job. Yet one event would change everything.

"Spencer, I need you to finish these reports by Friday" said Hotch as he handed him a stack of files. "No problem, I'll see you guys later." Spencer drove home with a big smile on his face. When he got home, he saw his wife…in tears. He immediately went over to here and held her close. "What's wrong?"

She sniffed, "Well...iIhave something to tell you…remember that party I went to with my friends a few weeks ago?" "Yes."

"That night I got really, really drunk. I woke up lying next to another man…"

Spencer was speechless…his own wife cheated on him. Spencer trembled but she continued. "I'm pregnant...it's the man's baby."

Spencer had tears flowing down his eyes but he sighed, "Mine or his…it's still a child…and we can take care of him or her as our own. They hugged as tears fell some more.

**End Flashback**

Spencer never told Lulu…he doubted he ever would. They never found the real father, but he still treated her like his own. But that was only beginning of the chaos that took place.

At the library, Spencer helped Terry with understanding the basics of the criminal mind. "So in some cases the criminal can see the crime as an act of charity if you would."

"So some see killing as a good thing because they fell their freeing the person or helping others?"

"Yes."

Terry nodded and wrote down some notes, "Thank you sir, I have to go now. See you tomorrow." Spencer nodded and they both left the library to go home.

**Flashback**

Lulu was born and taken home a few days after the birth. Spencer loved to cuddle with her and hold her close to his chest. "Such a precious little girl" he cooed. Nicole was in the bedroom; she was still exhausted and needed another day to recover. Spencer spent the whole day talking, cuddling, and playing with the baby. He felt such love for this small life that it was overpowering.

About three months after she was born, Spencer began to notice that Nicole was become distant. He tried to talk to her but she said she was fine. That's when her drinking problem started.

"WHY is there no more BEER" she shouted. It woke up Lulu and she started to cry. "Honey please your upsetting the baby" he said in a soft voice.

"SHUT UP about the baby, that's not even really ours anyway. Just a mistake."

Spencer couldn't believe his ears; he stood still as she went out to buy more beer.

When she got home, she saw that there was a note left on the coffee table.

_My Darling Nicole,_

_I'm staying at Morgan's place with Lulu. When you can get your act together, you know where to find me._

_-Spencer_

Later on Nicole and Spencer got back together and two years later, Chris would be born.

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	4. Chapter 4

I don't own Criminal Minds

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Spencer drove home down the long stretch of road. The hills to the right were silhouettes against the darkening sky. To the left were the small houses that were scattered over the plains. Then there was the dust that covered the sides and a bit of the front of his car in small puffs. Spencer never felt so cold then in that exact moment. The memories that he spent years to repress deep into his mind were now being brought back. It brought back the same tears as well.

**Flashback**

Lulu and Chris were at home while Spencer and Nicole were at the hospital. She was nine months pregnant with their third child. She was in labor and Spencer held her hand and even rubbed her back while she was in intense pain. After many hours, their little Emma was born.

"Oh she's beautiful Spencer" she said weakly.

Spencer's eyes were watery as he saw his baby girl being bundled up in a soft pink blanket by the nurse.

Suddenly Spencer noticed that Nicole was breathing heavily, "Honey…are you ok?"

She didn't respond and the doctor took notice of this as well, "Mrs. Reid?"

She still didn't move or speak; the doctor made Spencer leave and he called for another doctor to come in to the room.

Later that day, the doctor finally came out of the room. Spencer was pacing in the waiting room. He ran over to the doctor, "Please…is my wife alright?"

The doctor sighed, "I'm so sorry Mr. Reid…We couldn't save her. We tried to stop the bleeding but we also found that the labor causes even more serious internal bleeding. I'm so sorry."

Spencer stood rooted to the floor until he collapses to his knees and started to sob. The doctor helped him into a vacant room and got him some water. "Take as much time as you need." It took a while until Spencer was finally able to call his friends and his wife's sister who were watching the children.

About a week later, the funeral was held. Spencer held his newborn baby in his arms while his other children stood next to him holding his legs. The rest of team saw the absolute misery in Spencer's eyes. He held his children close as the coffin was lowered into the grave.

Hotch walked over to Spencer once the funeral ended. Nicole's sister took the children home to give Spencer some time alone. "Reid…I'll give you as much time as you need until you can come back to work…" "I'm leaving the BAU."

Hotch was shocked, "What?"

"Hotch…I'm leaving Virginia. I got a job at a university."

Hotch couldn't believe it but he nodded, "At least…just tell the team before you leave." Spencer nodded.

He did say good-bye but Spencer hasn't talked to the team since then. He just couldn't, it brought back to many bad memories.

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	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Criminal Minds

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When Spencer arrived home his little Emma ran out to see him, "Daddy, I got an A+ on my spelling test" she said proudly. He smiled and picked her up, "We of course you did so well, you my little genius. I think we should celebrate with your favorite food for dinner."

She gasped excitedly, "MAC AND CHEESE!"

He laughed and spun her around; she laughed and clung to Spencer. "I love you daddy."

He smiled, "And daddy loves you." He kissed her cheek and forehead. Chris came outside to see him.

"Hey Chris, how was school?" He smiled, "Great dad, I-I listen…I asked this girl I like on a date…so can you give me a ride to the bowling alley on Friday night?" Spencer nodded, "Sure, but remember the main rules about dating."

Chris laughed, "Yep, home at ten, also stay in public never alone, never go into each other's bedroom, manners and use lip balm."

Spencer nodded, "Where's Lulu?"

"She's inside doing homework."

"Alright, we're having mac and cheese for dinner so could you set the table while me and Emma make dinner."

"Sure dad." They all walked inside and started to prepare for dinner. "Lulu come on down and help with dinner" shouted Spencer.

Lulu came down but she had bags with her. Spencer frowned, "Lulu what are you doing?"

"…dad I got accepted into Riverhead university with several scholarships that will pay for most of it. The transfer papers are already sent to the school…I'm leaving."

Spencer was frozen and put Emma down. "Emma…you and Chris go into the living room ok?" She nodded and they both went into the living room, leaving Spencer and Lulu alone.

"Dad…I want to go to this university, I want to grow up and finally leave this place."

Spencer was silent.

"Please dad, can I have a hug good-bye?"

Spencer gave her a hug and kissed her cheek, tears fell from his eyes. "I love you so much Lulu, you're my baby…you always will be…I'm sorry that I can't be happy that you're going."

She nodded, "I understand…the bus is going to be here in a few minutes…I'll go say good-bye to Emma and Chris."

He nodded and let her go. His arms felt so empty. More tears fell.

The bus came and Lulu waved good-bye as the bus pulled away. They had dinner but they really didn't talk much or even smile.

Spencer sat in his bed and cried silently, he remembered when he first brought his little Lulu home from the hospital. No matter whom her father is…she was his baby girl, end of story.

The next morning, he went to the house phone and decided to make a call to Virginia.

"Hi…Morgan…this is Spencer…"

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	6. Chapter 6

I don't own Criminal Minds

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Spencer sat on a bench at the small airport, an hour away from his house. He was waiting for his old teammate's plane to land. It was so strange, after so many years of silence; the barrio between them has been broken. Every second of waiting, he had the urge to call up and tell them to go home. But it was too late and there was no backing out now. Their plane was to arrive in ten minutes.

He sat, stuck in his thoughts for a long time…until he felt someone place their hand on his shoulder. Spencer didn't flinch; he just looked up and saw Morgan looking down at him. His face was a bit aged and his facial hair was showing a bit of grey. They didn't say a word as Spencer got up and saw the rest of his team standing around them. They looked sad…aged…not what they used to be years ago.

"I only have my truck, but there's a place next door to get a rental" Spencer finally said. They all walked to the rental car place and got a minivan. Morgan and Hotch went into Spencer's truck, while the others went into the rental. They drove in silence the whole way there. Spencer supposed that there was not much to say at this point.

**Flashback**

"_Reid…is that really you" Morgan gasped over the phone._

"_Yes…I'm just going through a rough time and I was wondering if you would want to come and visit me…and my family?"_

_There was a short pause. "Yes I would…can the rest of the team come too…they miss you a lot too."_

"…_Of course."_

**End Flashback**

It was a short conversation of flight arraignments and such, no personal matters. Spencer parked in the driveway and got out of the truck. His teammates looked up at the two-story house and the toys littered around the yard. They smelled cookies in the air.

"Emma must b baking with Chris" said Spencer.

Suddenly, Emma ran out into the yard and hugged Morgan's legs. "HI" she squealed happily.

Morgan was a bit shocked at first but smiled warmly at her. When she let go, Morgan kneeled to be at eye level with her.

"You must be Emma, you're as pretty when you were a baby" he said. Emma giggled when Morgan tickled her.

The others smiled; they haven't seen Emma since she was a newborn baby. She was now a bubbly little girl. "We made cookies daddy" she said. Spencer picked her up and kissed her. "Your such a little angel." He kissed her again and she giggled. She ran inside.

Spencer looked back at his team, "We have two rooms and some beds available but one of you guys will have to share a bed." The others nodded and Spencer helped carry their luggage to their rooms. Inside the house, they saw Chris taking out the cookies from the oven. He looked up and didn't say a work when he saw the team. He remembered them a little bit but not that much. He went back to helping Emma with the cookies as the team went upstairs.

#$#$#$#$#$##$#$#$#$#$#$

The team decided to go out for dinner at a local diner. They ordered their food and just looked at each other.

"Emma and Chris have really grown up Reid" Hotch said finally.

"Where is LuLu" Garcia asked.

Spencer looked down in shame and sadness. "She left…she's growing up and decided to leave and go on her own."

The team gave him sad looks but didn't say a word. "How is everything in Virginia?"

"Good…Henry misses you" said JJ.

"The office isn't the same without you Reid…" Prentiss said.

Spencer didn't say a word.

"Reid…I know what happened to your wife was horrible…but we wanted to help you through it…you didn't have to run away" said Garcia.

Spencer didn't speak; instead he went back to eating his soup. Garcia sighed.

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	7. Chapter 7

I don't own Criminal Minds

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The drive back to the house was silent, there really wasn't much left to say at this point.

Spencer was going through an emotional time now that his first daughter was gone. Before the team arrived that day, he tried countless times to call Lulu and as how she was doing, but she never picked up. He even called the school and begged them to give her a massage from him, but she never returned them.

He spent the three days until his team came, crying and praying that his daughter was safe and sound. He couldn't take losing her, after already losing his wife.

"Reid…are you alright" asked Morgan gently. Spencer sighed heavily, "I just…miss my daughter so much. I drove her away…because I couldn't let her grow up…. She wanted to go to this university that is a few states away…I didn't let her and now…she went on her own and she won't talk to me…I'm so worried…"

Hotch who was also in the car sighed too. He could understand Spencer's emotions. A parent would never feel better until knowing for a fact that their child was safe and sound. "I'm sure she will call you soon Reid…she loves you" he said.

Spencer had small tears in his eyes, he just wanted his daughter back…or at lease know that she is ok.

#$#$#$#$#$$#$#$#$#$#$$#$

At the house, the team went to bed after a long day of travel and a good dinner. Spencer went into his son's Chris's room to tell him good night, but he noticed that he was crying in his chair.

"Chris what's wrong" he said as he rushed to his son's side and put his hand on his shoulder. He sniffled, "Tonight…I went out with that girl I told you about…it was my first date…after we left the diner and watched the movie…she kissed me…and then ran over to her friends who were hiding in the bushes…she said they made a bet that she could stand one date with "the nerd" and then left me…"

Spencer sighed heavily but his mind was filled with angry thoughts. How dare they think that fooling someone's heart and emotions was funny? Did anyone have a soul anymore? He hugged his son and rocked him gently.

"Chris…you're not a nerd and she was just a juvenile girl that clearly doesn't know the first thing about relationships. You're smarter and more mature about that. You don't have to rush dating Chris. There are so many girls out there…you just have to find the right one…just be yourself and don't doubt yourself."

Chris smiled, "Yeah…forget her…still I'm going to ask her tomorrow to pay me back for the movie and dinner."

Spencer laughed and hugged his son.

#$#$#$#$#$#$$#$##$#$#$#$#$$#

Spencer read Emma a bed time story and kissed her goodnight. When she was tucked into her bed, Spencer left to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water. There at the table waiting for him, was Hotch, Morgan, JJ and Garcia. He stopped dead in his tracks and sat down at the table.

"Reid…we wanted to let you know that…were still very upset that you didn't talk to use for years now" said Hotch in a stern voice.

"We want to help you Reid…you have to come to terms that your wife is gone and you can't throw away your old life just because of that" said Morgan.

Spencer sighed, tears stung his eyes "I…I'm sorry guys…God I'm sure a failure as a father and a friend" he dropped his head in his hands and sobbed.

The others went over to him and comforted him, "Spence…you're not a failure. You have three wonderful children and you're a great friend and person. We love you but you have to let us be there for you" said JJ.

Spencer still cried and they helped him to his room to let his emotions and stress out. It's been so long since he last was able to let every guard and defenses he put up around his emotions fall into a large heap.

He cried for a long time and then Rossi came in and also helped comfort Spencer.

#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$$#$#$

The next morning Spencer finally got a call from Lulu

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	8. Chapter 8

I don't own Criminal Minds

**ATTENTION! There is a poll on my page to decide the 100****th**** story! PLEASE VOTE!**

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Spencer sat at the bus stop; he was waiting for his daughter Lulu. He sat for over two hours, waiting to drive her home…and tell her that he was sorry. His friends and his family were at home waiting for him.

Soon he finally saw that old bus driving down the dirt-covered road. He stood up and held his breathe. The bus finally stopped and the door opened.

His daughter stepped off the bus and they stared at each other for a long moment even after the bus drove away.

Suddenly, Lulu ran into her father's arms and hugged him tightly.

Spencer smiled and cried as he held his eldest daughter. "I'm so sorry Lulu…I'm so sorry…"

Lulu looked up at him, "It's ok dad…I was selfish to leave you and everyone like that…"

"No Lulu, I'm the selfish one, I was wrong. I want you to go to any school you want. I just was afraid to lose you since…"

"Since mom died. To be honest dad I left for another reason."

Spencer gave her a confused look.

"Dad, a few months ago I took my medical records out of the safe since my school needed them. I found a file on my birth…you're not my biological father."

Spencer froze and more tears fell. "I wanted to get rid of that file…but I also wanted to tell you someday about that. You see your mother…made a mistake and got pregnant with you…but no matter what I saw you as my own. Despite blood, you're my daughter end of discussion."

"I know but when I saw that file was confused and i wanted to think about things. I was upset that you never told me."

"I'm so sorry Lulu…"

They hugged for a long time and then drove back to the house.

#$#$#$#$$#$#$#$#$#$#- Many months later

"Pretty boy it's good to have you back" said Morgan with a big smile. Spencer was currently setting up his desk at the BAU office in Quantico. His daughter Lulu was at a new college up in New York and his other children were enrolled in nearby public schools.

As Spencer set up he took out a picture of his family before his wife died. He smiled and placed the picture down gently.

No more did he grieve for his wife, now he can live a life with his beautiful children. Now he can move on.

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